The Semifinals

19th Century Bracket (1789-1889)

1. George Washington (1789-1797) Even when he decided not to run for a third term, Washington still received 2 electoral votes in the 1796 election. Always a crowd favorite, Washington definitely has home-court advantage for this match-up.
3. Andrew Jackson (1829-1837) After he was captured by the British at 14 (and struck by a sword) he walked home barefoot for over 45 miles while his mother and older brother rode on horseback ahead of him. His brother died soon thereafter, but Jackson recovered.
Winner: Jackson. Like Rasputin, Jackson was hard to kill. His toughness is tested throughout the tournament, but not more so than when he faces Washington. As the two stalwart leaders prepared to battle, everyone knew that the fight would be a long and brutal one. Jackson eventually gains the upper hand, leaving Washington no other option than to break out his famous axe. With one hard blow, Washington strikes Jackson in the face. Jackson falls to the ground, blood pouring from the gash across the left side of his head. He slowly rises to his feet, looks Washington in the eye, and takes a step forward. Washington, in shock that his adversary is still standing, does not move as Jackson’s fist comes up underneath his chin. A vicious uppercut sends the father of our country flying backwards. He lands on the ground, his wooden teeth clattering to the floor next to him, and is knocked out of the fight. Jackson turns around slowly and faces the crowd: “Somebody get me a damn towel.”


20th Century Bracket (1890-2006)

1. Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909) Led scientific expeditions in South America and Africa, during which many of his companions were killed. Roosevelt survived them both, although was weakened by his journey through Brazil.
11. George H.W. Bush (1989-1993) Former Director of the CIA, used to be able to run 4 miles in 30 minutes.
Winner: Roosevelt. Bush Sr.’s unexpected run comes to an end. It was a nice, long ride for 41, but his luck has run out. Teddy has no bad back like Kennedy, so there are no weaknesses for Bush to expose. In a somewhat disappointing semifinal, Roosevelt dispenses easily with the elder Bush and sets his sights on Andrew Jackson. As he is leaving the beaten Bush behind, Roosevelt sees a commotion to his left. Out of the stands comes an angry Barbara Bush. She is swinging her pocketbook over her head. When she gets within reach of Teddy, she smashes the bag over his head. Roosevelt looks stunned, but composes himself. “I was taught never to strike a woman. But for you I’ll make an exception.” He punches her in the stomach and walks on as she doubles over in perfect mirror-image of her husband. As he’s leaving, Teddy says to no one in particular: “This just goes to prove that the Roosevelts are the greatest political family in history.” F.D.R. gives his cousin a solemn head-nod from the gallery.



So it's all set. The Finals of the Presidential Face-Off 2006 will take place on Monday, May 22nd. Andrew Jackson vs. Theodore Roosevelt. Tune in Monday to find out who will be crowned champion.