The Finals!

Jackson vs. Roosevelt

3. Andrew Jackson (1829-1837) The man nicknamed “Old Hickory” because of his toughness, survived the first ever assassination attempt on a U.S. president.
1. Theodore Roosevelt (1901-1909) On his expedition through Africa he and members of his party killed or trapped over 11,400 creatures. Of these, 512 were big game animals (elephants, rhinos, etc.) To be fair, though, he did stop from killing a black bear on a hunting trip which caused a toy company to create the Teddy Bear.

It all comes down to this. The two biggest political badasses of all time. There is no telling how this one will shake out. Both men enter the ring, neither showing fear or doubt. It is hard to tell which of the two has been more beaten up throughout the tournament, but we can see that Roosevelt is walking with a slight limp, possibly from his confrontation with Ford in the quarterfinals. Jackson, meanwhile, has a large bandage around his head. If you look closely you can see blood beginning to seep through. The gash from Washington’s axe must have been pretty deep.
The beginning of the bout is fairly even. The two presidents mainly try to feel each other out and get an idea of what they’re up against. It isn’t until Roosevelt lands a hard right jab to Jackson’s stomach that the fight really begins. From that moment on it’s chaos. Fists and feet are flying, Roosevelt is sent flying across the ring, only to recover and come charging back against his foe. Jackson is quick and unpredictable, Roosevelt solid and powerful. The two are perfect examples of toughness, masculinity, and rage personified. For every quick jab that Jackson lands on Teddy, Roosevelt is able to return the favor. The fight goes on for a long time. At one point, Jackson falls to the ground after a particularly hard punch to the bandaged side of his face. He groans as he attempts to steady himself and bring himself to his feet. The crowd thunders, half in anticipation of his recovery and half in triumph of Roosevelt’s sure victory. Roosevelt allows himself a moment to gloat, smiling cheerfully at the crowd as Jackson staggers. But it is not over yet. Jackson, fully on his feet, reaches up to his face, to the place where both Washington and Roosevelt got him. He reaches up and grabs hold of the bloodied bandage. With one fierce tug, he pulls the bandage from his face, revealing a disfigured and grotesque figure beneath. The crowd gasps and Roosevelt takes a small step backward. Jackson gathers all of his remaining energy, which is very little at this point, and rushes at Roosevelt. With all of his power, he swings a strong right toward Roosevelt’s face. If he connects, he wins. If he misses, he loses. Roosevelt sees the punch coming and begins to dodge…

Winner: Jackson. The punch lands squarely on Roosevelt’s chin. Teddy doesn’t move in time, leaving him open to Jackson’s final attack. He wobbles slightly and falls to the ground unconscious. Jackson stands over him looking drained. A drop of blood falls on the canvas next to Roosevelt’s body as the crowd rushes the ring, raising Jackson on their shoulders to resounding cheers.