A Comment on the Olympics
Up until last night, I had been watching the Olympics pretty consistently since the opening ceremonies. I enjoy seeing the unconventional sports that only pop up on television every 4 years. The speed skating and the bobsledding and others. That is what draws me to turn on NBC at 8 o'clock each evening. What doesn't make me turn it on, however, is the constant background stories and heartwarming tales of overcoming odds. I don't wanna see that shit. Everyone's got problems that they have to deal with, and most don't get a five minute segment on their blind stepsister or their asthmatic grandmother.
I have fully accepted that the events are not shown live and that they are interrupted every five minutes for commercials. That I can live with. What I cannot stand is the useless human interest crap that litters the three hours of coverage. I cannot stand it in the NFL, NBA, or any other sport, but in the Olympics it is so prevalent that one cannot ignore it without completely turning off the television. So that is what I did last night. I just couldn't take it any more. Call me heartless if you'd like, but I don't care at all that some athlete's wife/husband/father/mother died. I just don't care.
Take, for example, U.S. speed skater Chad Hedrick. The NBC background story on him focused on the death of his grandmother 12 years ago. TWELVE FUCKING YEARS AGO!!! Yeah, it's sad. Boo hoo. Get over it. It was over a decade ago, if you can't let that shit go by now you've got some problems. Frankly, I'm only interested if someone that an athlete knows died a few weeks before the event. Especially if they died during said athlete's competition. Let's say that Hedrick accidentally sliced open his coach's throat with his skate. Now that's a story I'll watch.
Of course, all of this anger stems from jealousy. If I was in the Olympics they could show all the heartwarming crap that they want. But that would be different. It would be about me. By the way, Bob Costas, my grandmother died when I was only 4 years old. And she looked kinda like Madeleine Albright. That would be a great story.
The camera pans across an empty lake, then you see me standing there looking out over the water, silhouetted and in profile of course. A voiceover begins: "I was so young when she died," a pregnant pause "that I never really knew her." Then we get the whole story about how, when I compete, I can feel her presence and I know that she is there watching over me. And it will end in the most touching way. My face on screen, tears welling up in my eyes as I say: "Every time I see Madeleine Albright I stop for a moment and think about my grandmother. I can't help it, the pain is too real." Fade to black.
I have fully accepted that the events are not shown live and that they are interrupted every five minutes for commercials. That I can live with. What I cannot stand is the useless human interest crap that litters the three hours of coverage. I cannot stand it in the NFL, NBA, or any other sport, but in the Olympics it is so prevalent that one cannot ignore it without completely turning off the television. So that is what I did last night. I just couldn't take it any more. Call me heartless if you'd like, but I don't care at all that some athlete's wife/husband/father/mother died. I just don't care.
Take, for example, U.S. speed skater Chad Hedrick. The NBC background story on him focused on the death of his grandmother 12 years ago. TWELVE FUCKING YEARS AGO!!! Yeah, it's sad. Boo hoo. Get over it. It was over a decade ago, if you can't let that shit go by now you've got some problems. Frankly, I'm only interested if someone that an athlete knows died a few weeks before the event. Especially if they died during said athlete's competition. Let's say that Hedrick accidentally sliced open his coach's throat with his skate. Now that's a story I'll watch.
Of course, all of this anger stems from jealousy. If I was in the Olympics they could show all the heartwarming crap that they want. But that would be different. It would be about me. By the way, Bob Costas, my grandmother died when I was only 4 years old. And she looked kinda like Madeleine Albright. That would be a great story.
The camera pans across an empty lake, then you see me standing there looking out over the water, silhouetted and in profile of course. A voiceover begins: "I was so young when she died," a pregnant pause "that I never really knew her." Then we get the whole story about how, when I compete, I can feel her presence and I know that she is there watching over me. And it will end in the most touching way. My face on screen, tears welling up in my eyes as I say: "Every time I see Madeleine Albright I stop for a moment and think about my grandmother. I can't help it, the pain is too real." Fade to black.
posted by Spec at 12:51 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I shouldn't laugh at your (fake) pain, but it's just too damn funny!
That is pretty classic stuff, Spec! And the Olympics DO suck this year. Part of the problem is that most of the Americans are just assholes and I don't want to root for them, which leaves who? The Austrians? The Germans? I mean, I know they've done so much good for the world, but how can you get behind the idea of rooting for 6-foot, athletic blonde people from wealthy countries? Go, Aryan racer, GO!
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