Another Anonymous Letter...

Dear Unattractive Girl on the Subway,

You really should do something about that hair. I know that barrettes are cute, but you need more than two small butterfly clips to control that massive hirsute bird's nest that you've got. Now, being a person who does not take care of his hair to any degree, I cannot judge you for your tangled misfortune. I just offer this as a suggestion: invest in a brush. Now, one can easily overlook the hair. The bitchy, holier-than-thou sneer, however, cannot be ignored. Your equine oral cavity with those large and intimidating teeth are hard to reckon with. And your aforementioned sneer, it only magnifies those immense incisors.
Most mornings you look like you've just stumbled out of bed after a wild night of truth and dare with your other ugly sorority sisters. Today I witnessed you sneer and roll your eyes at a girl sitting a few feet from you who dared to sneeze in your presence. You then searched the subway car for someone who would share in your contempt for this disgusting sneezer. Finding no one, you just raised your eyebrows, rolled your eyes again, and clicked your tongue. Bravo, young lady. I commend you on your behavior. I've seen you on the subway a few times, but never did I think that you could be any uglier than the day my eyes first fell upon your unpleasant visage. But today you proved me wrong. Barrettes and all.

Sincerely,

The guy with the iPod