Drink on soldier of God

A friend at work invited me and another guy to a Johnny Walker "Striding Man" event last night. It was a free event to promote Johnny Walker scotch whiskey. We got to the place at about 8:30 and followed the long line of people in. Before we could enter, a Johnny Walker representative took our driver's license and scanned it into this very fancy handheld computer (Burb, you would have been so jealous). She then asked us a few questions about what we like to drink, what type of alcohol is our favorite, how often we drink Johnny Walker, etc. After the Q & A we headed into the nearly barren concrete room for drinks and food. Or, rather, make that drink and food. As we entered we were given a coin which we could trade in for 1 beverage of our choice. The bar served three scotch-based drinks: a "Red Margarita" (with Johnny Walker red), a "Red Zinger" (JW Red with ginger ale and lime juice), or a JW Black on the rocks. Because we were only offered one drink, I went for the last option. My companions ordered the Red Zinger. We stood around for a while, eating a few bites of food that came by on trays and watching the large TV screens that were set up on one side of the room. They were flashing videos of sports cars, athletes, "hot" women, and bottles of JW. It was a pretty obvious attempt at advertising/propaganda.

About a half-hour later, we were invited into the next room (or, rather, part of the same room just with a black curtain dividing it). There, we were led to rows of very sleek white couches. There were probably a few hundred people there, sitting four rows deep in a square shape. In the middle of the square was an open space with spotlights on it. In front of us on long, white tables were many glasses of scotch. Each small shot glass stood on a colored circle indicating what kind it was. There were five circles in all: black, gold, red, green, and blue. Only the black, red, and green were on the table when we sat down. After we were seated, the lights dimmed and another series of videos were shown in the gigantic screens that surrounded us on every side.

After the videos, a man in a black suit and wearing a Madonna-esque microphone headset came out into the middle of the square. He introduced himself, the company, and gave us a little history of the JW corporation. Then he discussed how he liked to drink JW black neat or on the rocks. He sequed into another video (with a black color theme) and asked us to try to JW black that was in front of us. With each type of scotch, he told us another story or instance when having that drink was the best thing in the world. JW Red is for mixing, JW gold is for drinking cold as an after-dinner drink, etc. etc. We even got to try the rare and expensive JW blue, which is supposedly the best scotch ever made. I will admit that it was my favorite, but at that price (about $200 a bottle) I'll go for something a little less sophisticated.

The night was a fun one, mostly because the two people I was with are very funny individuals, also because I drank a fair amount of scotch. We even got little Johnny Walker Striding Man pins.

What I was most taken aback by at this event was the near-religious devotion to scotch that the host had. He told the group that he had decided one day to quit his job and work, instead, in his passion: which was apparently alcohol. Each different kind of JW would be almost orgasmic in quality to him. I was kinda surprised that he didn't equate drinking JW blue with "tapping a hot slut" or some such thing (about 95% of the audience were men, 75% of those were drunk). At one point, however, he did (in referring to JW blue) say "This answers that age old question: What would Jesus drink?"

Now, I'm one for constant religious blasphemy. You might even say that it's part of who I am. But to go as far as to equate an alcoholic drink to a deity, that's a little too much. The guy was clearly (and desperately) needing a little help from AA. Of course, his higher power might end up being a smooth, smoky liqueur.